I'm Alive!

I've severely neglected my blog over the past couple of months due to the exhaustion of working 60 hour weeks and commuting 3 to 6 hours a day.
I applied a couple of weeks ago to a college and got in! And now I am writing this from my new dorm room (I moved in two days ago)!Everything has moved at lightning speed!School starts Wednesday and I have orientation until then.
I'm so excited to have this part of my life feeling like it's moving forward towards reaching my goal!
I'm a "Hawk" and Liberal Studies major with an emphasis in Special Education at Holy Names University.
HNU is co-ed and a very small school (500-600 undergrads and around 1,100 students in all) which I love.
From the looks of it, this year is going to be amazing!!

Crazy month, photo fun :]

April flew by! May is too! 

In April I went up to Tahoe and down to Monterey and Carmel. 

A week or so ago, I passed my in the car driving exam. 

Last week my two betta fishies died :(.

Tonight, Sunday and Wednesday are the graduation ceremonies for my sister from UC Berkeley.

Tomorrow I'm doing the Human Race which is a fundraiser for most of the non-profits in Sonoma County.

Sunday, Mother's Day, I'm preforming in a "band" made up of a bunch of my friends at my work.

Next week is the last week of school before finals!

Next week is the last week of this round of the fitness bootcamp I've been doing. Two weeks later I start work at a 7:30am-5pm job Monday-Friday.For. The. Entire. Summer.
11 final papers to write.3 final tests to take.1 dance final to choreograph and preform.
A week to get it all done.Yikes.

On the trip to Tahoe and Monterey I took my camera with me and came back with these results.I'm quite pleased with how they turned out.:)

This New Year (With a Medical Question and Update)

So far, this New Year has been proving to be wonderful! It's shown that in these few days, it's going to be far superior to 2009! I rang in the New Year of 2010 with my best friends at one of their homes in San Francisco and had an incredible time.

I've also gotten the chance to read eight books since Christmas day. Oh, it's so nice to be on break! Reading is one of my favorite pastimes and I always find myself a little saddened by my hatred of it during the school year. I not only often have to read books that are incredibly dull and difficult reads (in my opinion) due to the subjects that teachers feel set on using (though I do appreciate the exposure to genres I normally would have never thought of going near) but then I also don't have time to read the books I love and am dying to read. So I've taken full advantage of this time!!

I had an infection for three weeks and went through two rounds of antibiotics (after the first one, the doctor was baffled that it didn't work) and two days before the new year I got news that the infection had cleared. It was interesting in the doctor's office as I watched her turn through four pages of purely antibiotics as we were finding that I was allergic to ALL of them! There is only one antibiotic left that at this point I can take. It has lactose in it which I can't have but I have an intolerance to that rather than an allergy so I'm just miserable while I'm on it rather than being allergic! I'm just glad I can still take that one!! The doctors were watching me closely because they were really afraid that what I had was going to turn into a kidney infection. I am s thankful to say that it didn't!!

Now I just got a call about scheduling an upper endoscopy for January 15th to find out why I'm having horrible pain that is brought on my simply drinking a glass of water. I am more than a little freaked out at the idea of this.

I've never been sedated and people with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome are known to have difficulties with sedation. I'm also so allergic to so many medications I worry about the possibility that I may be allergic to the sedation.

If any of you or your kids have had this done or if any of you or your kids with many medical issues have been sedated I'd love to know how it went!

I'm in need of a bit of reassurance about this.

Even with that though I still think 2010 is going to be incredible. I start back at school on the eleventh with a difficult course load of English 5, Speech, Math, and a child development class ridden with english but feel ready to tackle it!

I came away from last semester with an A in English, an A in Theater, a B in History and an A in Child Development! The B dropped me down slightly from my 4.0 that I'd had but I am very pleased with the turnout especially given everything I went through last semester! =]

How is your year going so far?

Losing hope after a long week...

Part of the reason I havn't been posting very often lately is that I've just been trying to cope with different things going on and I havn't wanted my blog to become a depressing place.

I've realized that that's the point of a blog though, to not have to hold things back when you don't know where else to turn.

So here goes..

I'm losing Hope.

A few examples of why?

For starters..

A week ago, thursday morning I had my Theatre 2 class. I walked into the Auditorium (where the class takes place) at 9:01. Now you should know that I'm not one to be late but I live a half hour away from the school and with all the construction going on there's random days where there's more traffic. So, the class started at 9 and walking in at 9:01 the teacher shouts out, "You're late, take out your homework, write late at the top of it and grade your own. You're also getting no credit for it." (Note that this is a teacher who's never cared when people walk in 45 minutes late to class.) At this point I was upset after I'd spent hours on the homework and even taken it to the teacher the class before to clarify parts of the homework. (I also got 100% on it along with the extra credit portion of it.)

Then he announced that we'd be doing a scene with a partner, rehearsing 2 hours outside of class and then preforming it the following class. He told everyone to stand up that had recieved 100% on the test the day before (which I had) and then who got 100% on the homework. About half the class stood up. He said that those people got to choose their partners first so they knew that they'd be able to rely on people who also work hard. Everyone started pairing up.

Suddenly I realized EVERYONE in the class was paired up but me. The teacher stuck me with a group of two other people and told them that I'd do whatever they wanted me to and I'd work with their scheduale.

20 minutes later after having all of the ideas I gave shot down and called dumb everyone had their lines memorized except for me because my "partners" wouldn't include me. Then, my "partners" flat out said they didn't want to work with me and that they were angry that the teacher was making them. Literally in those words. (Note, this is in a COLLEGE class, one of these women was around 19 and the other was around 30-Also, they'd not said much to me, nor had they seen me act so it couldn't have been about that.)

I was really hurt. These were two people in the class that I thought were really nice and had been excited that if I had to be stuck into a group that these were the people I'd been stuck with.

I told the teacher that they really didn't want to work with me so after some negotiating with him, he allowed me to work with another group. In the end that group worked out well and the performance wen amazingly. We even had someone rate our scene as their favorite out of the 20-something that were preformed in class.

The point is that I thought we were past that. That was a big reason why I love college.

The other thing that upset me about the situation was the fact that after it happened I really needed someone to be there for me but when thinking which of my friends I could call that would be there for me, I couldn't think of any. Then when I called one anyways, they listened, said "okay" and then started in talking about themselves.

Secondly, the next day I had an appointment with an infectious disease doctor.

I'd been waiting for this appt. for a few weeks. For those who are new to my journey, I've now had a staph infection for 6 weeks now. I've been on a couple of antibiotics that hadn't done anything and it was continuing to spread. I've also been getting strange rashes all over my arms and legs quite often and the joints in my hands are incredibly swollen and developing blister type things on them.

My primary care doctor has given up on me because I'm not an open and shut case. She's an amazing doctor but at this point she's frustrated past her limit because she doesn't know what to do with me.

So this Infectious disease doctor saw me and thought that the lesions all over my body didn't look like a staph infection. He thinks it's an auto-immune disease, he's not sure which one though. He said to stop the creams and hibiclens which weren't currently doing anything for me anyways. He was afraid of two things it could possibly be so he wanted me to be sent immediately down the hall to dermatology for the lesions to be biopsied.

I went down the hall and a second copayment later I had the dermatologist (and a second one who the first wanted a second opinion from) tell me they thought it was just a staph infection and to use the hibiclens and I'd be fine. No antibiotics or biopsy needed either.

After feeling as though I'd just been spun in a circle back to where I started I went back to the infectious disease dr.

After a teary explination to the doctor's asst. about what had just happened, being given two polar opposite directions to go, I was allowed to talk to him for a couple of minutes.

I told him what happened and he told me he'd just gotten off the phone with the dermatologist and that was not what had happened at all.

Mmhmm. Yeah.

The infectious disease doctor ordered a chest x-ray and a ton of blood tests. 3 hours, 13 vials of blood and an x-ray later I went home.

Then this week I found out the results came in but the results were sent back to my primary doctor.

She got angry when I emailed her for them (probably because she thought she'd successfully passed my case onto someone else.)

She said the results were normal.

Back to square one...again.

Today, after being on the phone with the doctor's office for a couple hours, a phone appt. was made for later in the day.

The doctor called an hour and a half after the appt. but at least I was able to talk to him and tell him how frustrated I was and that I needed to do something because what I'm doing isn't working.

He confirmed that the results of the tests were normal but that a culture that had been done confirmed that I had a rare kind of staph.

Which brings me to another highlight of my week..

I'm getting a PICC line put in hopefully as soon as Tuesday and after a 7-day round of IV antibiotics(which may or may not work), I'm having a skin biopsy done to see if they can figure out if there are any signs of something autoimmune going on with the lesions. Because what's going on doesn't make sense to them and nothing is adding up.

The only thing that's kept up my Hope right now is what happened to my uncle the other day.

He narrowly escaped death.

There was blood in his stool and the next day he had to call my aunt to pick him up at work. He was almost too weak to even make it to the car.

He was taken to the ER where they found he was bleeding internally.

After a bunch of tests and a surgery they found out he had something very rare between his stomach and his intestines. It was like an ulcer but while an ulcer goes inside this thing went outwards. It caused a blood vessel or artery to burst that mad it so he was bleeding directly from his heart.

They were able to clamp the thing and then watch him closely in the ICU for a couple days.

He's still in the hospital but no longer in Intensive Care and looks as though he's going to be okay.

Apparently, if he hadn't come in, the doctors don't think he would have made it through the night.

All in all, it's been a hard week. It made me realize how lonely I really am right now. I have many friends that I'm there for all the time but realized that I have none that are willing to be there for me when I'm really needing someone to lean on. Also, still being new to the town, not knowing anyone around here, I just felt more isolated and down then I have in a long time.

The illnesses that plague me are invisible. Most of them can't be seen. Just by looking at me, I look healthy.

It's hard for people to understand how to be friends with me when I can't often make plans ahead of time because when I do, I have to cancel them at the last minute because I'm in so much pain I can't move or get out of bed.

It's hard not being able to keep up with my peers. For example, I almost pass out when I climb a flight of stairs and my pulse reaches close to 200 beats per minute and it won't go back down to normal for a half hour or so.

It's hard for me to not be able to dance because I feel so horrible all the time and I get incredibly dizzy, falling over and almost passing out when I exercise (and sometimes even when I'm not exercising).

It's hard to remember what having a social life feels like.

It's hard to forget the name of my favorite song, or forget the question right after a teacher calls on me due to "brain fog".

It's hard to realize I may never be "normal" again and to accept this as my life.

It's hard clinging onto Hope when that's all that's left.

It's hard.

Halfway Through My First Week of School (and my fishy's sick)

Two first days down, one to go! I've had my Mon./Wed. English class, my Tues./Thurs. Acting/Playwriting class and my Tues. History class. The last "first day class" I have is tomorrow and it's a Child Development class.

Tonight I came home to one of my betta fish lying on it's side at the top of the tank with its belly swollen. After a quick bowl change, I looked online. It could be one of two things, Dropsy of Swim Bladder Disorder. My fish doesn't have all the symptoms of Dropsy like it does of the latter which I'm thankful for. I'm hoping it's the Swim Bladder as that's just really constipation and requires 48 hours of fasting followed by a bite of a cooked, peeled green pea. (Don't ask me!) While Dropsy is fatal disease where the fish dies in a week or two.

I'm hoping my poor little fishy will be back to normal in a couple days!

More to update on later but I've got a way to early English class in the morning (as it is, the most sleep I could get tonight would be 7 hours) so I'm off to bed! Night!!

First Day of School

My 18th "First Day of School" tomorrow..hehe...Oh boy. =]

I'm Back! Long Time No Blog!

It's been a while! Okay..so it's been a week but it seems a lot longer! I got back on Saturday from my road trip with my sister down to Disneyland. We left on Monday, played around in "The Happiest Place on Earth" for three days then headed back on Friday and finished the trip back on Saturday. The driving time down to So. Cal was a mere 9 hours with NO traffic! Heading back it cumulatively took around 13 or 14 hours.

I must say, while I enjoyed having no internet to take up my time for a week (so I got a chance to enjoy what was around me in the moment) I now feel like I'm so far behind and have so much to catch up on!

I was planning to post some of the pictures I took down there but my dad mistook my camera for his and took it with him up to Lake Tahoe so I'll be posting them later in the week instead.

Just know, I had a great time and am now freaking out that there is only 2 weeks left until school starts back up again.

Where has this summer gone?

My Dance Final and My Trip to the Emergency Room

So I performed my one minute solo-self choreographed for my Modern dance class on  Wednesday. This is a video (off the TV playback-sorry about the lines on the video-they go away while it's playing)

I was supposed to perform the corrected form of the dance yesterday as well but due to the fact that I couldn't move my head, this version of the dance was graded instead.

I had an acupuncture appointment that I went to yesterday at around 2:30pm and was turned away as I had a temperature of 102.6 and a pulse of 130. 

After calling the Kaiser advice nurse I was sent off to the Emergency Room with symptoms of the abnormal vital signs (fever and pulse) and not being able to turn my head at all. I also felt as though when I was walking, that my body was disconnected and not real.

I was there from 3pm until 9pm (although until 4:30 I was just in the waiting room).

They got my fever and pulse down by pumping me with Morphine, Phennergan, Naproxin and Tylonol. They also did a CT scan on my neck but found nothing.

They still don't know what's wrong with my neck (I can't bend down, move or turn my head-even blowing my nose kills my neck) but because the vital signs were back to normal (apparently I have a UTI  [urinary tract infection] which they think was causing the abnormalities) they allowed me to come home.

(Along with a round of antibiotics and a prescription for Percecet.)

 

Unfortunately the 102.6 fever came back again today. Hopefully It'll go away soon!

Because of my trip to the ER, I missed a final for my American Sign Language class. My sister brought my teacher a note saying why I wasn't there.

Unfortunately I can't get ahold of him now. He's deaf so I can't call him and his email address has sent me 2 failure to deliver/wrong email address so I'm at a loss of what to do now!

I also tried calling admissions and records but they just suggested I call or email him! Ugh! I finally got the phone number for the woman in charge of the building where the class takes place but she didn't pick up. I also was given an email address (no idea who it's for though) so I emailed the problem to the unknown person.

I'm really hoping this all gets figured out soon! I'm supposed to have completed all my finals by the class period I had tonight!

Meds, Jewlery, School, Art and A Possible Job

Well, I received my MRI and MRV results yesterday which were normal [thankfully] but that left a lack of known cause once again. So I went to the neurologist today and have been put on a bridge of medications.

-Prednisone [80 mg a day] for 5 days

-Topamax [an anti-seizure medication] 25 mg to start with but I will increase it until I'm at 200mg a day

-Compazine [10mg] and Naproxsen [500mg] Mixture

Hopefully this will get me feeling amazing-here goes!

I also received a wonderful piece of mail today! I ordered a 2 sterling silver charms last week from a lady in the UK. She hand stamped them for me and they are now hanging around my neck. I'm really excited and will post pictures soon.

I have a class tomorrow [and will have the same class for the next 3 Saturdays] from 8am to 5:30pm on Child's dramatic play [and an hours drive each way] so I'm hoping that it'll be a fun class and that I will be thankful I'm giving up my Saturday =P !

Oh! I also had a group interview yesterday and one today. I have applied to be a YMCA camp counselor [the job I'm really crossing my fingers for] possibly at their performing arts summer camp but they have numerous different themed camps. I interviewed for that one this afternoon and think it went fairly well but with so many applicants [people with Masters degrees are even applying for the job] it's hard to say. 

I got a call  yesterday afternoon to come in for an interview last night for a job I didn't realize I'd applied for! I'd filled out a form online for a camp counselor for the city's parks and recreation department but when I went back to submit it I was told that I was too late. [That was close to two months ago.] So I was in shock when I got the call! I don't think that interview went amazing but that's okay.

Two weeks ago I had a friend visiting and we decided to go paint pottery. Well I painted an Easter egg and a jar. I went in to pick my pieces up along with all the others [my sister and her friend had come along as well] and they couldn't find my egg. I know it's silly but I spent 2 hours painting a 2 and half inch tall egg with an embossed flower and was really disappointed it was gone. They guessed someone had taken it by accident and said I could paint something else in exchange for it so I'll probably take them up on it, it's just...you know. Oh well.

I hope your week was filled with less rain then this past week here has [though the flowers have loved it!] and that you relax and enjoy this wonderful Easter weekend!

Music Class

So I'm currently taking a child development class entitled, "Music, Movement, Children." The ages addressed in the class range from infants through second or third grade. I've learned quite a few silly songs and dances in the last two months.

Two of my favorites being-

[don't forget to turn the blog music off at the bottom of the page first]

and 

[the song starts 30 seconds into the video]

I also recently created a lesson plan using the song "Put a Little Color On You" by Hap Palmer.

A couple of nights ago we did a few projects in class for use in music lessons. One was a "streamer", made of a popsicle stick,crepe paper and tape, one was a "tambourine" made out of 2 paper plates, bells, a hole puncher and string/pipe cleaners and the last one was "shakers" out of plastic easter eggs, rice and beans and tape to keep the egg closed. My favorite was the "shakers". Easy, quick, colorful and cheap. They also make a really nice sound.

By the way if you've never heard of Sarah Weeks' book Crocodile Smile, you should. It's a book with CD with wonderful songs [I can't find ANY on Youtube to share but trust me, they're amazing]. They're all about animals and friendship. The songs were a big part of my first and second grade education. I was able to track down the book a couple years ago and found I remembered all the words! It's amazing what we choose to remember.